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Your NEW Cog Jokes Are Online!

Posted by Doctor Googlymoogly on November 16, 2022 at 2:30 PM

Let’s tighten up the graphics there… upload some custom kerfuffle to this address… EUREKA! I’m a genius! It's almost frightening sometimes.

Good heavens – I didn’t see you there, assistants. Bonnie Bubbles just delivered the most delightful jokes to my doorstep… I didn’t think she had it in her! She’s good with a gag, but she’s not one for Cogology, yes?

Image: Doctor Googlymoogly waves to the camera in the Task Force Hideout, while Bonnie Bubbles carries a stack of jokes in the background.

So many jokes, now uploaded to the Cog Joke Databases. Such beauty in their boring-ness. Yet still, a touch of comedy in each and every one. Hopefully, some Toon out there will get a chuckle out of these next time they use a Cog Remote Control in battle...

Come to think of it, Bonnie really isn’t one for Cogology. Where did she get such a knack for writing jokes? Aha, looks like somebody forgot to wipe the original metadata from these. Whoooo is responsible… wait, don’t tell me she roped my assistants into this!? Confounds it, she did, didn’t she!?

No matter. The jokes that all of my assistants wrote are simply stunning. Why, even I couldn’t have done it better myself! Let’s just punch in some commands to the G.I.M.M.I.C.K. to get a readout of the jokes I just uploaded...

Cackling Cog Jokes

Rainbow Mouse

Call: Why do Cogs like beekeepers?
Response: They generate lots of buzz.

Sir Pancake

Call: How do Skelecogs answer calls?
Response: On their skele-phone!


Call: How does a Cog get a new silk suit?
Response: They update their soft-wear.

Mr. Smartypants

Call: Why don't Cogs work underground?
Response: They cave under pressure.

Silly Sellbot Jokes

Loopy Whiskers Rhinonerd

Call: Which Cog plays the most golf?
Response: The Factory Fore-man.

Quack Attack

Call: Why is Mr. Hollywood so famous?
Response: Because he's a Sell-ebrity!

Ms. Direction

Call: Why did the Cold Caller move away from the North Pole?
Response: His assets were frozen.

Gyro The Spinning Croc

Call: Why did Mr. Hollywood let himself get hit by the Grand Piano?
Response: He wanted a grand finale!

Aqua Cat

Call: What's the difference between a Telemarketer and a sales pitch?
Response: The sales pitch never works.


Call: Why does no one hang around Cold Callers?
Response: They give everyone the Cold Shoulder.

Lady Toonibelle

Call: Why doesn't Mr. Hollywood like opera?
Response: It isn't his aria of expertise.

Molly Macmelon

Call: What do you call a clumsy Cog?
Response: A Cold Faller!

Cheesy Cashbot Jokes


Call: Why was the Cashbot not invited shopping? 
Response: Because he was a Tightwad.

Willow Flora

Call: Why did the Loan Shark cancel his meeting?
Response: He needed a-loan time.


Call: Why did the Loan Shark eat lunch all alone?
Response: Because he was a loan-er.


Call: Why didn't the Cashbot have anyone to fight the Toons with?
Response: Because he was a Lone Shark.


Call: Why did the Loan Shark get fired?
Response: He chomped back to his boss.

Googlymoogly's Note: Can we give the Lone Sharks a break!? Gah, I mean Loan Sharks!

Weird Curly Megaquack

Call: Why couldn't the Tightwad get a job in the Bullion? 
Response: He wasn't in mint condition.

Ludicrous Lawbot Jokes

Lollipop Sparklepow

Call: I had the displeasure of working with a Bloodsucker.
Response: It was such a draining experience.


Call: What did the Big Wig wear to court? 
Response: A Law-suit.

Sheriff Jake

Call: How do Bloodsuckers improve customer interaction?
Response: They try not to "B Negative".

Good Ol' Bonzo Weaseltooth

Call: What does the Chief Justice always request with dinner?
Response: A good judge mint.


Call: What is a Bloodsucker's favorite subject in Cog Nation University?
Response: A-"count"-ing.


Call: Why don't Big Wigs visit Donald's Dock?
Response: Because the humidity makes his hair curl.

Trixie Jinxpaws

Call: Why do short-tempered Spin Doctors always go out of business?
Response: They don't have any patients.

Queen Jacky

Call: What should a Lawbot bring into work each morning?
Response: A law-suit and tie!

Bodacious Bossbot Jokes

Punchy Twiddleboing

Call: How do you make a deal with a Yesman?
Response: Give him an offer, he can't refuse!

Good ol' Bongo

Call: Why does everyone want to hire a Pencil Pusher to be their assistant?
Response: They make the perfect No.2.


Call: How did the Yesman take ownership of the building?
Response: In Deed.

Cool Mouse

Call: How did The Big Cheese pay for his new suit?
Response: He took out a provo-loan.

Dream Weaver

Call: Why is it hard to talk to a Micromanager?
Response: They are nothing but short with you.

Bearly Bearable

Call: Why does The Big Cheese get paid more?
Response: He does a cheddar job than the rest of the Cogs!

Upload complete!! These new jokes are now rolling out Toontown-wide. Try using a Cog Remote Control... or thirty of them, to hear these jokes for yourselves. I'm sure the Cogs will love to hear it too. Toodles!

November 16, 2022 [ttr-live-v3.6.1i]

Cog Remote Control
• Added tons of new Cog Jokes thanks to YOU! Use a Damage Remote to (possibly) hear them for yourselves.
• Snuck in some additional Cog Joke response lines to really sell the disgust these bring to the Cogs. Oh, the misery.

Bugs n' Blunders
• Patched up a client crash related to Estate Groups.
• Fixed a rare district reset in Cog Buildings.
• Addressed a rare case of Toons getting stuck related to hiding the GUI.

November 14, 2022 [ttr-live-v3.6.1e]

• Added the new "Distant Chat Size" setting, which changes the size of distant nametags and chat bubbles. Check it out in the Options Menu!

Bugs n’ Blunders
• Fixed a crash caused by joining a Cog Building boarding group just as you exit its range. Get back over there and get in the elevator!
• Solved another most rare and mysterious boarding group crash. Samantha Spade herself had to track this one down.
• Fixed a crash when changing districts.
• Fixed an issue that caused some SpeedChat phrases to not work. Before you lose your voice again, the complimentary lozenges are on us!


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Mr. Toon said on November 16, 2022 at 2:35 PM
These jokes were all hilarious! Except maybe the second one. Can't wait to see all these jokes ingame!

Ginger Sparklesticks said on November 16, 2022 at 3:18 PM
Awesome, thanks for the update! :)

Spookz said on November 16, 2022 at 3:20 PM
Thanks for including mine!! :D

Ms. Direction said on November 16, 2022 at 3:35 PM
Awesome! Glad my joke made it in!

Darkius said on November 16, 2022 at 4:13 PM
I actually won a contest for once. :) Glad to see it.

Sir Quackers said on November 16, 2022 at 6:32 PM
These jokes would be amazing to see in-game!

Barget Wondersnout said on November 16, 2022 at 8:41 PM
These are all pretty great jokes, haha! They're a nice blend of both Toons' and Cogs' type of humor. I enjoyed reading you guys' submissions, even though mine wasn't up on there. I actually thought of some better jokes than the one I submitted, that I could've used. Ah, well. Can't wait to hear some of these jokes in-game!

Rollie said on November 16, 2022 at 8:42 PM
Those poor Sharks, they're so Loanly.... hehe

Sheriff Jake said on November 16, 2022 at 10:01 PM
My joke made it! It’s been so long since I came up with it, I actually forgot about the contest until just now. Thanks, Bonnie and Doc!

Barney Wondersnout said on November 17, 2022 at 6:58 AM
Sometimes your genius is... it's almost frightening.

MrSmartyPants said on November 17, 2022 at 7:27 AM
YES my joke made it in! im so happy!

Princess Lollipop said on November 17, 2022 at 12:50 PM
I noticed some of my friends won this contest. Congrats to all of you, not just my friends!

Omar said on November 17, 2022 at 1:06 PM
Aww, my Chairman joke didn't make the cut... :( The Chairman won't stand for this! He will sit!

Pancake said on November 17, 2022 at 7:58 PM
Looking forward to having my joke bring misery to cogs everywhere!

Shaker Kitty said on November 18, 2022 at 7:49 AM
I love the jokes, I hope one of mine gets up there in the next contest!!

Dr. Bridget said on November 18, 2022 at 8:10 AM
Good job! I really hoped my joke would make it but glad for you guys!

Princess Melody Purplejinks said on November 18, 2022 at 7:30 PM
Man, these jokes are hilarious! Great job everyone! Can't wait to hear them in future Field Office takeovers!
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