Tunnel Vision for April Toons!
Posted by Fred Flounder on April 1, 2023 at 2:00 PM
AGH, AGH, kelp! -- Er, help me! You’ll never take me alive, alien spiders!
Huff… Puff… HOW in the Billy Bob Blue Blazes did I get here? Am I going crazy?! Like, crazier than usual?! What’s that, you say? Oh. It’s April Toons’ Day! That makes sense. I’m Fred Flounder by the way, and I am… lost. So very lost.
Oh -- that’s nothing new, though. I own a lil’ place down in the Dock called Lost and Flounder. I’m always a little… Huh, where am I again? WHO in the Blue Bob Billy Blazes are YOU?! ...Who am I? This doesn’t look like Daisy’s Dock to me… What did I do? Well, shockingly, I was lost and somehow ended up in Acorn Acres. Where are those Rescue Rangers when you need ‘em?! Bored outta my mind, I wanted to see if they left up all that Cartoonival stuff year-round… I went through the tunnel and somehow ended up here!
Pah, all kinds of weird stuff goes on during April Toons’ Week. Humbug! Or something. Hogwash! Malarky! Baloney fiddlesticks, I tell you. Indubitably. I bet Toon Hall’s floated halfway to Jupiter by now! …Or would it be Venus? I hope they don’t pick up any spiders from Mars… or the jungle! And those Stack Blabbers or whatever were already more than enough to deal with. If I have to call the exterminators from Daffy’s Dreamworld again I am going to LOSE IT! What’s that, you say? ‘Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite’ is right over there…? WHAT in the Blazing Bob Blue Billies is even happening anymore?!
April 1, 2023 [April 1, 2023 [ttr-live-126.96.36.199.188.8.131.52.3.3.3…]]
•Removed the Front Three, Middle Six and Back Nine. You are now permitted to suffer in the brand-new Cog Facility, the Whole Eighteen.
•Toon Gophers are tired of being stepped on, and now have a 5% chance to eject you from the Cog Golf Course entirely.
•Naming any Cog ‘Dinnerbone’ with a Name Tag will cause the Cog to flip upside-down.
•To prevent competitive racing in the Cog Golf Course mazes, they will now simply loop into themselves forever.
•Head Hunters may now occasionally steal your head. Pay them no mind.
•The Big Cheese has been replaced with The Big Weight (he’s packed on some pounds, don’t judge. That’s the Lawbots’ job).
•Hedge funding has been cut and downsized, meaning no more hedges in Bassbat Headquarters (don’t ask how this impacts the aforementioned maze changes). Feel free to roam around in the Grey at will.
•The Big Weight has been replaced with The Big Cheese.
•By overwhelmingly popular demand, Drop and Toon-Up have now swapped base accuracy.
•Upon missing with a High Dive, Toons will now SPLAT on the ground and be promptly transported to the hospital by the nearest Ambulance Chaser. The Gag Shop is expected to face a class-action lawsuit in the near future.
•Bottom Feeders will now sometimes eat Banana Peels. Yikes.
•All dollar bill Lure Gags now have 100% accuracy against all Cashbots.
•Telling a particularly groan-inducing pun with the Megaphone may lead to some Laff being lost instead of being restored.
•Tweaked the Opera Singer sound effect to shatter any real glass within a ten-foot radius of players when using to increase immersion (do NOT use with headphones on).
Smellbot Field Offices
•Instead of being defeated, The Boiler’s eyes will now spin indefinitely upon depleting their health bar.
•The Boiler will now take 50% more damage while Defensive Strategy is active and will no longer retaliate. They will also now retaliate while Fired Up is active and no longer take 50% more damage. Of course, there are no in-game cues to reflect this change.
•Doctor Googlymoogly is now 4.5% googly-mooglier.
•Bonnie Bubbles is now at least 49% bubblier.
•Ai Spai is now 20% more spied upon. By whom - no one knows (but probably by those sneaky Slack Babblers or Blabbers or whatever I called them earlier. Why are you still reading this?).
•Ripley is now 200% more ripped (she has been hitting the gym a LOT to meet her job demands).
•If any Toons are inside a Toon Headquarters as it’s taken over by a Smellbot Field Office, they will be captured by the Cogs and become unplayable until the Field Office is defeated.
•Every Doodel trick has been replaced with Play Dead.